Yesterday sucked. I have been working my ass off and doing everything I could to get a promotion at work. Well, not an actual promotion which involved a lot of money or anything but a promotion with a title. I basically applied for the job I am already doing it just got a reclassified title but I had to apply for it anyway. I got an email from HR saying they had identified more qualified candidates than me and that I won't be considered for the job but please feel free to apply for another job anytime.
Well friends, as you see from my previous post my job started out as the job from HELL but I put on my big girl knickers and sucked it up and made chicken salad out of chicken shit. I have been a nurse since Moby Dick was a minnow and I am really good at it. Since Job from Hell started I have been applying for a new position. I have in fact over the past 9 months applied for 86 jobs with my employer. I am dead serious I even applied for food service to serve green beans on the lunch line. Every time I get the same computer generated email: "Thank you for applying but we have identified candidates who are better qualified..blah blah blah"
For the life of me I can't figure out the green bean job. I am a MOM, every mom knows how to sling beans on a plate. Maybe they thought I would look even less qualified in a food service hair net.
So anyway, I had a couple of cocktails which I haven't had since the Masters in April and took a sleeping pill and went to bed. I have been wide awake since 3 am. I don't sleep well when I am puzzled. I always have to try and figure out the logic in things. I never got the answer to this one and finally just got up.
I am on my third cup of coffee fortified with Stok caffiene shots and have smoked about 600 cigarettes. I walked through my apartment (which is about 5 steps round trip) and watched my grown babies sleeping, Walker with his size 13 1/2 feet hanging off the end of his bed with Cartoon Network blaring on the TV, Lizzy snoring quietly with Penelope Wolf clutched to her chest as she has been every night for 17 years, they are so beautiful. The best job I have ever had and succeeded in is being a Mom. I wish I was younger and had been able to have about 10 more of them.
I live in the heart of downtown Nashville and have been sitting on the stoop outside in my ratty nightgown drinking coffee, smoking like a chimney like white trash and all of a sudden I noticed the birds are back. They have been really quiet since the great flood. This morning they are all up early singing their spring birdie songs. They are singing about love and family and nests and worms. Not a care in the world. In my next life I am going to be a bird, a Mourning Dove I think because they look like Victorian Ladies. I want nothing more than to wake up early joyous, flirting with all kinds of boy birds til I find the right one and building a nest out of sticks and grass to raise my babies in. I would fly and soar and look down on people rushing around doing things they aren't happy doing and wonder why they don't just stop and enjoy the world like me.
Instead I have to be at a 7 o'clock meeting where I will hear the same old blah blah blah. I guess I need to go have another cup of coffee, put on my ever so flattering blue scrubs and head on off to the coal mine, but I will be wearing my neon sneakers which empower me and I will know this too will pass.
Have a great day everybody. This is the day the Lord has made, let us give thanks and be glad in it.
There are many times in life when it is so hard to see the entire forest because the trees are right in the way. I usually feel this way on holidays when I either don't get to see the children I have - or have to share them. It's no fun. I don't have any words of wisdom....but you are definitely not alone in your sentiments! (((HUGS))) and I hope that your weekend turned out better than this day started. I'm praying for you.
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